Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
