HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm lost and stupid without you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
