I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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