Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
