Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
