theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
