you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize