You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's just like the Real World with babies
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
