You really coming over, don't trick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
