wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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