You can't special order awesome
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
