I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
