dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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