You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A bitchslap is in order.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
