she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize