i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
