The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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