Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
