the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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