Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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