Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
