Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
