Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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