How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
