I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will die if light touches me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
