also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
