dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
