I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
