im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
