Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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