Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
