I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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