He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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