I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
