My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
