then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
