when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
