And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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