It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
