You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
