I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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