I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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