I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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