we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
