just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize