Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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