now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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