just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
