hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
