dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
