sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
