new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
