I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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