So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I smell like Dick and happiness
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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