do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
