so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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