She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize