it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
