Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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