Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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