My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
