Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
