If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
