After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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