Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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