i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize