Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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