Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
