I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
