Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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