Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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